The Best-Laid Plans...

I have to admit, it's the morning, again. I had every intention of doing a blog posting last night. Seriously. But then, the Grey's Anatomy started. I think that, because we haven't seen it for over a week, we overcompensated. We watched one, and then two, because the first one was so sad. Then, the second one ended in a cliff-hanger, so we had to watch the next one, which happened to be the season finale, which was two hours. So after three hours of GA (each episode is only 45 minutes without ads), we're done season two and completely bloated.

It's not just the fact that it got in the way of blogging--it's the fact that we neglected a decent bedtime once again. I really did have every intention of hitting the sack before 11:30; Theo's been waking up screaming in the middle of the night for the last three nights straight, so our sleep is very interrupted. In fact, he's crying in his crib right now, after a valiant 20-minute struggle to put him to sleep.

Okay, I wasn't going to go here today, but I will anyway, just for fun. On the spectrum of parenting philosophies, we're somewhere in the middle. We like to be able to hold our baby and rock him to sleep, because we want to treasure these moments while they're here. At the same time, we want him to know that we call the shots, albeit in a loving way. Thus our strategy so far has been that we decide when it's nap time, but we'll spend time in there with him singing to him and helping him fall asleep. Usually it works like a charm.

Sometimes, however, we hit a snag. There are days, like there have been this week, where he just decides that he'll go to sleep no problem, but when you try to put him down or leave the room, he wakes right up and starts to cry. So in the name of not being over-indulgent, we put him down, tell him that it's bedtime and leave. This, of course, leads to wailing and gnashing of teeth, much like what is happening right now.

It absolutely breaks my heart to hear him screaming (and that's what he's doing, trust me) in his crib. I know he just wants to have mommy and daddy with him and he doesn't understand why we can't just be there all the time. And yet, I know that this is what's best for him in the long run. But that doesn't make it any easier on me. We end up sitting on the couch saying, "Come on, just go to sleep already." And yet we know that if we go in there and try again, like we really, really want to do, he's just going to learn that if he cries, mommy and daddy are going to come to him. And we can't keep that up. Not that we're not going to come to him if he cries, but you know what I mean.

Man, this whole "parenting" thing kinda stinks sometimes. I wish I could just explain to him that what I'm doing is really for his benefit, and that it's hard on me, too. But I can't. I just have to trust in the fact that he's not going to hate me for it when he gets older, and that by doing this, we're forming in him good habits for the future. It's not the least pleasant thing we'll ever do as parents, but it certainly is the least pleasant so far.

And with that, he's asleep. Lovely. I just checked the monitor to make sure he was still breathing, because the abrupt stop in crying makes me nervous. I'm such a wreck.

By the way, I understand that parenting strategies are never really agreed-upon, so everything I said above (knowing that what I'm doing is best, etc), isn't intended as a slam against anyone who doesn't agree with me, or who doesn't parent the way I do. I know that you can have success no matter what method you use; we've decided that this method is what we're going to use because of the success Steph had with it working with children with autism.

Method doesn't make you a good parent, that's what I want to say. It's not about your technique, it's about the envrionment you create in your home for your child. And that isn't something that is debated or even debatable. Children thrive in loving family envrionments, and whether you let them cry themselves to sleep all the time, sometimes, or not at all, if you love them and truly put their needs first, you're bound to succeed.

That's about it for contentious issues and wild opinions in this posting. I've got more to say about the whole "creating an environment" thing, especially as it relates to spiritual growth, but I'll save that for some other time, or maybe never. Who knows? I don't. That's what makes this blog so much fun for me--I just sit down and type with no particular plan.

Thanks for stopping by this week; see you again on Monday.