At Least It's Not Snowing

Winter is most definitely upon us. Which, of course, begs the question, "What happened to fall?" I'm not exactly sure. I think we had about two weeks of it, but I must have missed it completely. The snow all melted after the first day, but there's more slated for this weekend. Super. It can fall and melt as much as it wants--it's the accumulating in drifts part that really gets me. I'm sure there'll be plenty of that to look forward to this winter.

That said, it was a rather pleasant day today. The sun was doing its best, but its best wasn't quite enough to get the temperatures up into the double-digits. We've been treated to some really stunning sunsets over the past couple days, though, which almost makes the cold worthwhile. Um, almost.

Just a second--something's happening on "Deal or No Deal." I'll be back.

Okay, it wasn't actually "Deal or No Deal." It's a brand new show from the makers of Deal or No Deal (which I will hereonin refer to as "DOND"). As soon as you hear those fabled words, "From the makers of..." you know you're screwed. There's a reason they're known as "the makers of..." (which I will hereonin refer to as "TMO")--they want you to associate that show with this one. This new show here is no different. It's called "One Versus One-Hundred" and it's hosted by none other than...wait for it...Bob Saget. Ouch. And not just that--it's Bob Saget doing his best Howie Mandel impression (complete with fist bump in place of handshake). It seems, at the outset, that the rules are a cross between "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" and DOND.

Want to hear the premise? Okay, so there's the "mob" made up of 100 smart and not-so-smart people. Some samples of people involved in said mob: three of the models from DOND; nine school teachers; Ken Jennings (you remember him, don't you--the Jeopardy! ultimate champ); three Mensa members. So there's a question that the contestant (the "one") gets asked, and he answers--but so does the mob. Questions have dollar values from $100 all the way up to $1000000; each time a member of the mob gets a question wrong, they're eliminated from the mob (so I guess it's a combination of Millionaire, DOND, and Survivor) and the amount gets added to the contestant's bank (i.e. if three members of the mob get the $100 question wrong, the contestant gets $300 in his "bank"). The contestant can choose to leave with the cash at any time, but if they get a question wrong, they walk away with nothing.

Got it? Ironically, the DOND models are living up to the stereotype--in a question about who the UN secretary-general is, 2 of the 3 models got eliminated. Hmm.

Can you tell we're hooked on TV again? How does that happen? We only get two channels, and one of them is CBC! There's nothing on CBC. Oh, except that new show from the makers of "DaVinci's Inquest" and "DaVinci's City Hall" called, um, "DaVinci's Bowel Movement" (tune in next week for the exciting conclusion). No, wait, it's called "Intelligence", which, ironically, is the only time you'll hear that adjective attached to the show. It features that other cop guy from Inquest in the same role he played in that show, including the same hairdo. I'm so confused. Hey, you want to add some cachet to your new show? Why not just dust off some washed-up 80's TV icon, like, oh I don't know, Bob Saget? Oh wait, he's got a gig.

The problem is that we're (meant in the sense of my family, but I suppose it could be an indictment of society as well, although I'm not sure I want to go there tonight) hopeless consumers of entertainment. In fact, today when I was at the gym, I was consuming the latest Podcast and watching the baseball game, all the while working out. Just add talking on the cell phone, and you've got the trifecta of distracting activities. That must be good for some sort of prize, eh? Personally, I think that shows like DOND and this new from from TMO are interesting, but I'm drawn to them in the same way I'm drawn to a horrible car wreck--I really want to turn away, but I can't.

Speaking of the gym, I had the funniest experience in there today. To preface, many might assume that as a guy who goes to the gym, and as someone who likes his rock and roll on the heavy to extremely heavy side, you'd think that I'd have my MP3 player (no, I do not own an iPod) blasting out some crazy loud music, right? But the thing is that I take the time in the gym to listen to PodCasts, as I mentioned above, all of which are quite subdued. Thus, even though I have my headphones in, I'm still able to hear things going on around me. This is an important piece of background info.

So anyway, there I am, working the cardio (elliptical machine--a total killer) and just as I finish, another dude walks in (which doubled the number of people using the gym). Buddy barely gets his jacket off, and he's over at the bench press machine, loading that thing up with some seriously heavy weight. Down he goes onto the bench, and I got this sickening feeling that nothing good could come of this--come on, lots of weight and no spotter, not to mention the complete lack of warm-up? Oh boy, we're in for trouble. Sure enough, he starts just cranking out the reps (using gym lingo like that makes me seem tough--allow me my fantasies, will you?) with this crazy amount of weight on there. The best part is that I think he thought I couldn't hear him, because he was doing that whole weightlifter grunt thing. You know what I'm talking about--the cross between startled elephant and constipated grizzly bear, with a little bit of pro tennis player thrown in for good measure. At the end of his set, he drops the bar back into it's cradle, allowing it to hit with a resounding metallic thud that is the unmistakable sound of weightroom testosterone. Then he goes to the chin-up bar and grunts some more. This is repeated three times, and he's gone. Wow. It was like, well, the best analogy I can come up with is watching surveillance video at high speed. Not sure I even understand that one.

What else is going on? Okay, not much. It's good to be back in school (says he with clenched jaw and bitten fingernails). There's one thing about the on-campus experience that the distance ed one can't give, and that's the deadlines. Oh sure, there are deadlines in distance ed, but they're more self-imposed. And you know what that means, don't you? They're totally random and completely flexible! Woo-hoo! Can't finish your project today? Oh well, there's always next week. But not on-campus, my friends. Here, late assignments are met with sturdy talking-tos and the threat of a grade deduction. Why ever turn anything in on time if there are no consequences? Good question. Why do I hand things in on time? Well, I guess because I know that in the "real world" where there are "real" deadlines that actually mean something, you can't just say, "Oh, dude, I had lots of work to do this week, man, and my dorm was holding this party that I had to go to, and so I couldn't get my work done." You're fired. It's all about internal motivation. And, even though my "vetran" status means that I know a lot of college short-cuts, it also means that I want to do well just because I know I can.

Well, I hope I made up for my startling lack of post yesterday with this long and inane bit of prose. Seems like this week's been all about getting the motor going again, and now that I've finally found the right gear, it's time for the weekend. Ain't that always the way? Oh well, come back on Monday for more incredibly exciting stories, including what we did with our weekend (I'll give you a hint: it involves me pushing a vacuum). See you then.