I Love A Controversy...

There's nothing like a rant about Halloween to get everyone involved in the debate. I love it. If you don't know what I'm talking about, please see the comments with the last post. And no, there were no trick-or-treaters on our street today. That's probably partially because it was so freaking cold.

The best thing, by far, about Halloween is the discount candy sale on November 1st. I'm planning on hitting the stores tomorrow, although the selection in Three Hills is pretty slim, and I have class until 12:00, and then the gym, so I'm not even sure I'll get any. But you know, it's worth a try. Even a little bit of cheap Halloween candy works for me.

You know, I just looked at those two paragraphs and thought to myself, "Yep, that's pretty much all I have to say." Isn't that sad? But really, I'm having a boring type of week. School is actually taking a little bit of a breather right now, which is refreshing. And I just got a one week reprieve from doing my class presentation, which was supposed to happen this Thursday. The class that usually keeps me uber busy with the readings doens't have any this week, so I really don't have much on the ol' plate. That will change, and soon, but it's nice while it lasts. Oh yeah, I have a test on Thursday, but I'm not really concerned about it. Maybe I should be, I don't know.

On the good news front, I finally have all my graduation requirements sorted out, so that's nice. Turns out that even though I'm on-campus, I'm going to be graduating as a distance education student. Turns out I'm the guinea pig here, because apparently nobody has ever done this before. Makes me feel kinda special. Warm fuzzies, and all.

Oh, except for the part where nobody really knows what to do with me. I finally found someone who could give me answers, after going to two others who couldn't. At least someone knows what's happening. And I'm pretty sure she's just making it up as she goes, too. Actually, she freely admits that there's really no precedent, so the rules are just sort of being made up while we're in progress. Fun, but not exactly reassuring. Oh well, as long as I can walk across the platform in a goofy hat and get a piece of paper with my name on it and some letters (preferably the letters "B" and "A" in that order), I'm good. Don't really care how I get there, actually; I only care that I get there in the end.

But this whole prospect of graduating in April now raises a new spectre for us. Actually, it's an old spectre that we've managed to ignore until now, and I want to ignore it more, but I can't. Yes, it's the old "what do you want to be when you grow up" question, and it's coming back at us in full force. April seems a long way away right now, but I know it's not. Heck, Theo was born almost nine months ago, and time has just flown by. In fact, this is now week nine of this semester, which means this semester is almost 2/3 gone. Wow. April suddenly doesn't seem that far away.

What makes the whole thing harder is that I'm not even sure where our goalposts are going to be in April. I've always been somewhat envious of programs that give you a definite idea of what you're going to be doing when you're done. My sister, for example, graduated last April with her nursing degree. For four years, she worked towards one goal--nursing. The outcome was never in doubt, and she knew that after the four years, she'd go and begin her career as a nurse. I'm oversimplifying, but that's the gyst of it.

I almost wish my degree would do that for me. But that's the problem with these arts degrees--you're never really sure what you'll have at the end of it. For example, my degree prepares me for pastoral ministry. My specialization, if you can call it that, isn't in youth or worship or any other niche; it's in being a pastor. That's pretty broad. And the problem is that even though there is a severe shortage of clergy in North America, the standards for getting a job at a church continue to get higher and higher. So really, I have no chance of actually being a lead pastor, or even an associate pastor, without my master's. All in all, it's pretty frustrating to have worked your butt off for four years (okay, it's actually going to be 10 by the time I get it, but who's counting?) and then not have any idea what's at the other end of that tunnel.

But I suppose this is where that whole element of faith comes in. I really wish we knew, for sure, what was going to happen next. But we don't. And we're slowly coming to the place where we're actually okay with that. Am I going straight back into ministry? If I am, it's going to be in youth or worship, one of the two. Am I going to get my master's? Yes. When? Don't know. Is God even calling us back into ministry right now? If you asked me that two months ago, I would've said no without even having to think about it. But we really feel our hearts being softened as we go along here--wounds that we didn't even know we had being healed. And there were a lot of them. But wounds can't be an excuse to not go on. Does that mean ministry for sure? Don't know. Wish I did. God does.

How's that for a few short, declarative sentences? It may seem simple, but that's what it's coming down to. We need to learn to let go. We try to hold on so tightly that it slips out of our grasp. But if we were to just let go, we'd find things so much easier. I find it difficult to learn that lesson, but again, difficulty can't be an excuse not to go on.

So go on we will. And we'll figure it out. More correctly, we'll let God figure it out. We'll just follow along. Pray for us in this decision-making time--we'd really appreciate it.

See, I told you I could come up with something more to write. I know, you never doubted me. I'll likely have more of the same tomorrow, so please come back then. And thanks for stopping by today; I appreciate it.